Defying All Odds
Dressed in a self-effacing light pink shirt and black pants, Suhaee Abro emerged from a suitcase and slowly made her way onto the stage. Through her unconventional and mystifying performance that she named “Goonj”, Abro depicted different instances from her life. On the stage of Olomopolo junction in Lahore, she talked about her insecurities and fears, her struggle with epilepsy, her support system and life in general.
“What inspires me to dance is movement, as abstract as it sounds but movement
of trees and leaves falling to blood rushing through veins inspires me.”
She wanted people to understand dance as an art form and expression of human emotions. Through every movement and expression, she gave the message of shared human experiences.
Suhaee's photo shoot on Epilepsy Awareness
Abro was a dreamer. Despite all the hardships she faced on daily basis, she never stopped dreaming. She dreamt of going to Kalakshetra College of Arts in India. Located by the seashore in Chennai, Suhaee dreamed of finding her expression through quality artistic education.
Her teachers always expressed their doubts whenever she told them that she wanted to study dance. “What is it that you want to study?” They never understood that dance was also a subject to pursue a degree in. Her friends used to tease her by asking her questions like “What would your future husband think if you continued dancing?” She could not abandon her passion of today in fear of what the future held for her. She continued dancing. She continued dreaming of going to an art college in India.
Abro’s mother Attiya Dawood—a contemporary writer and a poet told Suhaee that she started dancing even before she learned how to walk. Her grandmother saw her dancing for the first time when an Indian song played on TV. Suhaee was almost a year old when she supported herself against a wall and moved her body to the rhythm of the song playing on TV.
Mrs. Dawood used to visit Sheema Kermani every now and then to ask her that when she would take Suhaee in her dance class. Ms. Kermani is an exponent of Bharatanatyam dance and one of the two teachers of classical dance in Pakistan. She used to take students between ages 8 to 12-who were mature enough to understand the complexity of classical dance.
Abro waited patiently despite her short-tempered personality for Kermani to take her in as a student. Girls of her age were interested in playing with dolls but Abro was different. She was shy about voicing her opinions but she knew what she wanted to do. At the age of nine, Abro decided to pursue dance professionally.
Like her mother, Ms. Kermani saw the potential and passion in the sparkling eyes of Abro and took her when she was seven. With her bob cut black hair and broken teeth, she stepped into the world where everything moved with a rhythm.
From shaping the body in positions that seem unimaginable to synchronizing it with the beat of the music, the journey of becoming a dancer was a long one for Abro. Patience was the first lesson she learned in her new world.
She was only 12 when she shared the stage with mentor Kermani. Wearing a yellow Bharatanatyam dress with bright red lipstick, Abro was so nervous that she wanted to cry. “At one point, I had to sit in a really difficult position, and I ended up falling. I improvised and started smiling, but it was embarrassing.” Abro turned red due to embarrassment but Sheema Kermani held her hand and told her to
smile.
Her first fall on the stage taught her a valuable lesson that life never promised to be smooth.
"No matter how much you prepare for it, you are going to fall. How you choose to stand up defines your life.”
Abro did not let the rejection letter from the college she had dreamt of going to hold her back from chasing her dreams. "They did not want me because I was epileptic. Being a Muslim and Pakistani also contributed to the rejection."
Suhaee Abro during her solo performance-Goonj
Abro was busy juggling between filming for a film, preparing for a dance performance and studying for her A-levels exam-simultaneously and she was now 17-years-old. It was the time when she started having seizures. It was unpredictable.
The challenging part was finding the right treatment and diet. Moreover, the stigma attached to mental disorders made it difficult for Abro to survive in Pakistan.
All she could hear was people whispering about her illness. Abro was devastated. Dance workshop in Italy happened at the right time. She wanted an escape and workshop gave her the opportunity.
In Italy, she realized how ashamed she was for being epileptic. She had some seizures during the performances while everyone was there. She cried and apologized as if she was responsible for what was happening with her.
To her surprise, no one mocked her or told her to leave. Unlike in Pakistan, people not knowing the severity of her illness; ask her till date "Kya aap per jinn charhta hai?" One of the directors she later worked with mocked her by asking that “Don’t you pray to Allah?” As if Allah was punishing her for not being a good Muslim.
Italy taught her a very important life lesson that it is okay not to be okay. They gave her the boost of appreciation that changed her and her perspective of looking at life. Abro went to Nuova Officira Della Danza, Torino to attend a three months’ workshop but stayed for two years. She was enjoying the positive energy. Silvana Ranaudo, art director of the course, considers Abro her greatest discovery in the world of art.
When she came back to Pakistan, everybody told her that she looked different. She was the same dark-skinned epileptic dancer who was made fun of. It was not her physical appearance that had changed but the confidence reflecting from her eyes and radiant glow on her face made her appear different
Suhaee performing 'Urraan Sey Pehley'-theatrical dance performance, based on feminist poet Attiya Dawood's poetry
After returning to Pakistan, Abro tried her luck in acting as well. People in Italy told her that she was beautiful and she should try modelling. Abro was shocked to hear that as she had constantly heard negative things about her body. However, her dark skin was a problem for many in TV industry.
She was typecast as either the ugly girl unable to get married or as a poor village girl subjected to abuse. She has played characters like a dancing girl or a rape victim, but she wants to do strong and bold roles. She wants to play the roles of real women, like her classical dance performances that mostly portray real issues.
Now 25, Abro wants people to understand how beautiful it is to feel your body. Her decision of pursuing classical dance transformed her life. She wants people to explore their emotions and movements around them just like she did.
“For me, classical dance gives me clarity and became a language through which I can express my emotions”
From being shy to being strong and independent, Abro’s weaknesses did not define her rather shape her and classical dance helped her as she improvised and smiles every time she had a fall.
Dance taught her to be comfortable in her own skin. Dance helped her to become more open as a person and help her feel free. In a society where body shaming exists in all shapes and sizes, Suhaee Abro now tries to pass on the same teachings that dance taught her to people through her performances and workshops.